I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
