if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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