Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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