I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my being single is dangerous.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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