Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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