Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just invented taco cereal.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
