I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
