My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
