I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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