I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
