Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
