Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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