Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
