My friends, they love my intelligence
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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