toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I cannot find my penis.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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