one might say we're banned from that church
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
