just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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