for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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