I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry about my life...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
