My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
