I think I am morally bankrupt
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
