Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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