i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
