i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
