she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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