Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
