just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
