You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
