Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pants are for mortals
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