Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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