I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
