I want to make a zoo with you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
