dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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