I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
