If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
