I can tuck mytits in my pants
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
