I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my being single is dangerous.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
