they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
