ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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