it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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