hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
