So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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