I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
