Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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