I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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