I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
