I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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