R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
