I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
