I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
