I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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