If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
