So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
