It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Holy sore nipples Batman
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
