don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
