Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
