At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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